Wanna know what I think? Well, I'll tell you what I think.

As you'll discover, my point of view is definitely different. Read my thoughts, learn a few things, have a chuckle.

February 1, 2003

I've decided to switch to rechargeable batteries and I would like you to consider doing the same. You will save a lot money and help the environment too. Rechargeable batteries are only slightly more expensive to buy than alkaline batteries but they can be recharged up to 1,000 times. Think of all the money you'll save by never having to buy batteries again! By not throwing away 1,000 alkaline batteries, you will keep a lot mercury and other toxic chemicals out of landfills. I recommend nickel metal hydride (NiMH) rechargeable batteries. They last longer between charges than other kinds of rechargeable batteries, they don't exhibit the memory effect, and when you do finally throw them away, they don't pollute because they don't contain toxic chemicals.

While researching my options, I heard of a company that makes rechargeable batteries called Again & Again. Unfortunately, the batteries I wanted to buy had been discontinued. So now, I guess they'll be known as Never Again.

lightbulb.gif (825 bytes) Given that rechargeable batteries can save the average person hundreds or thousands of dollars during his lifetime, reduce the amount of waste going to landfills, and eliminate pollution from batteries, why not ban the manufacture of disposable batteries? It's a no-lose proposition.

February 3, 2003

There's a boy on my street who owns a black tomcat named Lucifer. Lucifer chases after queens all over the neighborhood. The other day, I ran into the boy and asked him how Lucifer was doing. He announced that Lucifer had just been neutered. From now on, they will call the cat Lucy.

February 6, 2003

According to Dr. Frank Soltis, an IBM engineer, Microsoft used twenty three IBM AS/400 minicomputers with the UNIX operating system to run its business. In June of 1999, Microsoft unplugged the AS/400s and turned on the 1,200 Windows NT servers it needed to replace them. Things didn't go quite as planned. "They found they couldn't make the new setup work," said Soltis. "One year after unplugging its IBM computers, Microsoft was back on the AS/400s."

Now you have to know that Microsoft touts Windows NT servers as replacements for UNIX minicomputers. So this is a major embarrassment to Microsoft and one it keeps very quiet about. If Windows isn't good enough for Microsoft, why should it be good enough for you? All together now: that's Inepto!

February 8, 2003

44,000 to 98,000 Americans are killed and hundreds of thousands are injured every year due to medical errors in hospitals. This means that more people die from medical errors than from motor vehicle accidents, breast cancer, or AIDS. These errors cost the economy $17 to $29 billion each year. Hillary Clinton missed the boat on solving the healthcare crisis. In light of this data, the solution seems obvious: close all hospitals. You would save lives and drastically reduce healthcare costs. OK. OK. Don't write to me. I'm just kidding.

February 11, 2003

Is the expression "cute as button" really a compliment? There are many things cuter than a button.

February 13 2003

A reader wrote to a newspaper that she went to Europe for her first trip outside the U.S. She missed ice in her drinks so much that she ended up eating only at McDonalds and Hard Rock Cafes. She wrote: "I got the ice I needed there and also gained an appreciation for my own culture." So ice in our drinks is our response to Europe's achievements in art, literature, and cuisine?

She concluded by saying: "it was nice to see and try new things but I was never so ready to come back home and enjoy a nice, tall glass of iced tea." Yes, the museums, the historic cities, the Sistine Chapel, the David, all those things are "nice" but nothing beats a cold beverage.

February 14, 2003

Have you heard about that Dentist in Texas who ran over her husband three times because he was cheating on her? He lawyer said she didn't mean to kill him. "She just wanted to take him home." Yeah, right. In a body bag.

February 15, 2003

Bitter cold today. I got into my car to go home, turned the key. The car would not start. Dead battery. I called AAA on my cell phone which I had luckily remembered to charge the night before. AAA sent me an independent tow truck. The driver wanted to tow me to his shop so they could work on the car tomorrow. I told him I knew it was a dead battery and just wanted to be towed to AutoZone so I could buy and install a new battery and go home in my car tonight. He insisted on towing me to his shop. He was hoping to score a sucker. I was adamant about going to AutoZone so he had no choice but to comply.

I got to AutoZone. One of the employees tested my battery and confirmed my diagnosis. I bought the battery but had a hard time reaching the terminals to disconnect the old battery. The AutoZone employee came out with his tools and did the whole job himself. Didn't charge me a penny for his labor. He was quick, courteous, efficient. Blew me away.

Kudos to AutoZone and its great employees. When you see so much bad customer service these days, an experience such as this really stands out.

February 18, 2003

Al Neuharth, the seventy-something founder of USA Today recently wrote a column about an incident when his young son announced to the supermarket checkout clerk: "those diapers are my dad's." A definite sign that you're too old to reproduce is when both you and your child are in diapers.

February 20, 2003

The Chinese are trumpeting their efforts to save the pandas by cloning them. To that I say: "save the forests and the pandas will save themselves." The root of the problem is that Humans are cutting down the forests that are the pandas' habitat. Sure you can clone pandas but where will they live if their habitats are gone? In zoos? Some kind of salvation.

February 22, 2003

I called U.S. Bank to speak to a supervisor about an erroneous charge on my statement. A man named Dan would not transfer me unless I gave him my first and last names, account number, social security number, phone number, etc. He said as soon as I gave him all that information he would transfer me. So I told him everything he wanted to know. Did he then transfer me? No! He said it was his duty to try to resolve the problem before transferring me to a supervisor and that he had been there longer than the supervisor I had asked for. When I insisted, he said he would try to transfer me to a different supervisor. I repeated that I wanted to speak to the person I had specified and asked him what his last name was. He said he couldn't tell me. I asked for his extension. He said they don't give out extensions. I asked for his operator number. He replied, "hold on" and put me on hold.

After several minutes, I understood what was going on and hung up. I called back and was finally able to get through to the supervisor. She said she would waive the fee they charged me because of their mistake and send me a letter of apology for the long string of the incidents they've made me endure. It's been over a month still no letter of apology. I did however just get a notice requesting I pay the fee that should have been waived. I am thoroughly disgusted with U.S. Bank and have resolved to take my business elsewhere. Every time I've had to use their customer service, I've been horrified by their incompetence.

February 26, 2003

I watched the Jimmy Kimmel show for a few minutes tonight. I tuned in just in time to see a bit where Jimmy's cousin went to a restaurant with a hidden camera to see how many bottles of wine he could return before the restaurant said "no more." The waiter was extremely patient and opened a total of six different bottles while the guy disparaged each wine and spit it up all over the table. Finally he said he was going to go with beer instead. The studio audience clapped at the end of the segment as if it was something funny.

As you know, I rail against bad customer service but I am equally distressed when I see bad customers and the way they take advantage of good companies. The waiter was patient and polite and the guy took advantage of him. There was not one funny thing about the whole segment. It just teaches people how to misbehave. We have forgotten in this country how to be funny. It's about wit and humor, intelligence and subtlety. This type of bit doesn't make anyone laugh, let alone smile. Not the viewer, not the victim, not even the perpetrator. What's the point?

February 27, 2003

George W(ar) Bush is pissed. Saddam has agreed to destroy the Al-Samoud missiles. There goes Bush's pretext for war. It's supposed to start early next month. Bush doesn't have much time to find another reason to launch the war.

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We're in a blizzard. Snow is falling so hard that visibility is virtually nil. What's amazing is that, as of last night, meteorologists hadn't forecasted this latest snowfall. They are consistently wrong in their forecasts. That's why they spend five minutes telling you what the weather has been like and twenty seconds telling you what it's going to be like. They'd rather talk about they're sure of. I say get rid of the useless meteorologists and use the money saved to buy every viewer an extra umbrella to keep in the car.

February 28, 2003

Why do they call it "life" insurance? It doesn't ensure that you'll live, now does it?

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I logged into Forbes.com.
I was asked to pick a nickname.
I chose Nick as my name.

Yo, yo, yo.

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